Challenges

While pregnant with my first daughter I gained about 50 lbs.  (Yikes, that sounds huge!)  After her birth I only dropped down 30 of those pounds (mostly from the initial birthing of her, about 10ish afterwards) before I became pregnant with my second daughter.  I didn't gain as many pounds with Leigh, even though I surpassed my top weight from Abby's pregnancy.  I gained about 30ish lbs.  So all of this has combined to create a scenario in which I am about 30-35 lbs heavier than I was pre-pregnancy. 

So I have been trying to lose weight.  For the last 9 months.  And do you know what my sucess is?  I'm in the negative.  I have gained more weight.  Pathetic.  I had actually come down about 8ish lbs, and was maintaining there, but over the summer I totally gained it all back!  I can't believe it, isn't summer when people are supposed to be the most active?  But I became less active since my activities like Biblestudy and stuff were shut down over the summer, so I didn't have anywhere specific to walk every week, so I just didn't walk as much.  That definately didn't help.  Neither did the fact that I acted like I was on eating vacation, just kept eating without caring.

Throughout this whole time that I have been trying to lose this weight, I haven't done any actual diet programs like Weight Watchers, etc.  I have just tried to limit my portions, not eat sweets and junk, with the occasionaly exercise evening thrown in there.  It obviously hasn't been working.  My friend did this for a month and lost around 15 lbs!  I felt quite upset at my body for not being like that.  But I know that it isn't totally my body's fault.  I haven't stuck with my 'rules' long enough for it to have any effect.

Therefore I have decided that I need to try some kind of 'diet' plan.  I browsed through the Weight Watchers website, and seriously considered signing up for the online plan since I am not always free to go to meetings in the evenings.  But I have a hard time justifying spending $30 a month.  We are not exactly rolling in the dough at the moment.  But it would be worth it if I lost the weight right?

So I looked into the Special K Challenge, and right now I am seriously leaning towards this.  My reasoning is this: I am an admitted picky eater.  I have gotten much better over the years, especially since I married my husband and had to cook things that he would like, but there is still quite a bit that I just don't like.  Most of the food that I would get with a diet service I would probably not like, or not like as much.  So if I'm not going to be able to eat what I want to, I would rather have a strict plan involving specific food items, such as the Special K challenge, with the protein meal bars and drinks and cereal and such. 

I know that I can discipline myself.  I have fasted before, so it is possible.  But it seems almost impossible for me to curb my eating by myself.  I am getting very frustrated and depressed that all my efforts continually fail.  So I am looking for some good plans that will work.

Too Many Choices!

I am printerless.  Just as we are starting Preschool, I am printerless.  Actually, I have been printerless since early spring, but it never mattered until now.  This will teach me to procrastinate.  No, it probably won't teach me.  It's been years, and no matter how many problems I run into because of my procrastination, I keep on putting it off.  Anyways, this is a bunny trail.

I took my printer into a repair shop because my at home fixes didn't work.  They told me that they tried everything, and it is toast.  It would cost more than a new printer to fix my old one.  It is unfortunate that we have to spend the money on this now, but a positive is that we had the old printer given to us by my sister-in-law so we're not really out any money. 

The choices for a new printer...it just boggles my mind.  I am officially stumped.  I have been looking at reviews, debating HP vs Lexmark vs Epson vs Canon etc.  I thought about laser vs inkjet, and decided that I would go inkjet.  I was considering the laser because it is cheaper in the long run, but I do use the printer to print off some photos, and the reviews said that the laser didn't do a very good job on printing photos. So at least that is one decision.  Oh, and I know that I want an All-in-One, with a scanner and copier, so that is a second decision.  But there are still so many options. 

I am going to be doing a fair amount of printing, probably around 15 pages a week, maybe a little more.  And as we progress in our homeschooling years, I will be printing more, I think.  So I want something that will stand up to time, and not fall to pieces in a few years.  But I don't want to spend a ton of money initially, though it also is hard for me to buy a cheap printer, and know that in the long run I am spending more money. 

Argh!  I just can't decide!  Help me someone!  Tell me what I should do. 

Expectations

I have been doing a few activites with Abby every day, like I posted here.  She seems to enjoy them, just like any other time we do any colouring stuff.  My printer had been at the computer shop and I just found out that it's toast, so I hadn't been able to print off some worksheets that I wanted to do with her until yesterday when we went to the library. 

I was excited to try them with her.  In my mind, I had hopes of her exceeding what I thought she could do.  She would ace the sheets, following the directions exactly.  But that wasn't how it went.  The first one was a small maze where you had to follow the 'A's to find the end.  Any other letter led you down the wrong path.  I wasn't concerned with her following the path from start to finish, I just wanted her to identify all the 'A's in the picture.  She did get a few, but she also called a B an A, as well as some other letters.

I have to admit that I felt a little disappointment and discouragement.  I felt like she was so horribly behind where she should be.  But then I reminded myself that she is 3 and it is more important to feed her knowledge and information than trying to 'test' her with worksheets.  Because that's essentially what it was like, I tested her and she failed.  So today we did another couple worksheets, first identifying pictures that started with A and then identifying pictures that had the A sound in the middle.  Basically I just talked through it with her.

And I felt good about it.  She knew all the names of the pictures (well, she called an ambulance a truck but that's ok) and I just told her that they started with A, or had the A sound in them.  And I circled them for her.  Then I just let her colour them.  It didn't look as academic as I might have liked, but I think that it is a good step in the right direction.  It is a lesson for me on how this year might look, and I like the feeling that we are starting our journey! 

Back in August, we took Abby to have her hearing tested.  We did this because sometimes she is difficult to understand, and though she does have an adequate vocabulary, she doesn't talk as fluently as I think that she maybe should (or as fluently as other 3-year-olds that I see).  So off we went.  I won't write all about the test, but basically the results were that all her 'hardware' was working fine, but her 'behavioural response' was poor.  That means that she should be able to hear us, but she doesn't respond like she is.  They did recommend that I see a speech specialist, though. 

Fast forward to now, I talked a bit to the Public Health nurse awhile ago, and she had sent me some pamphlets on play-based activities to help with speech.  She also sent me some 'tests' to sort of gauge how Abby is doing.  And yesterday I took Abby in to the doctor and the doctor said that she had had a request from the audiologist to refer Abby to the speech pathologist.  I was a little upset about that yesterday, though I know I shouldn't be.  It just seemed like they were rushing forward and I was being forced to take Abby down this path, when the more I think of it, the more I feel like she is just a little slower, and I realize how much she does say.  She does use 3 word sentences, more than I realized once I started paying attention. 

So I just got a letter from the speech pathologist in the mail, and it has a sort of questionaire form for me to fill out and send back.  Once they get the form and go over it, they will call me back.  As I am fillling it out, I can feel myself sinking back down into the "Pit of Horrible Parenting."  I have failed my child.  I should have done so much  more with her, read more, played more, talked more.  Something more!  It all spirals down to the same conclusion that I am a selfish mother who doesn't do enough with my girls because it doesn't come naturally to me to be that 'everyday-teacher' that seems to be all the rage right now.

I don't know where I am going to end this post because it is far from resolved in me.  Yes, I have started doing activities with Abby, so maybe there is hope that I can change.  I know that there is, if I just rely on my Heavenly Father.  But how likely am I to do that?  I know myself, I constantly am taking back the reins of my life from God and saying that I can do it myself.  Pathetic.  But I must allow Him to work in me, if only for the sake of my children.  I want them to have the best.  So I will press on and keep my eyes on what is truly important in this life, God and my family.  And by working towards that goal, I will ultimately help myself be happier.

How's that for a little pep talk to end this?