Thursday, February 17, 2011

The Best Laid Plans

Abby had an appointment with a speech pathologist on Monday. I was very nervous about it in the preceding weeks. It has become more obvious over the last six months that she has some serious speech delays, and I was prepared to hear all sorts of reasons for this.

The meeting went well, mostly. The gist is that Abby is severley delayed in her speech, around 1 1/2 - 2 years. She mixes up some sounds and leaves off syllables on words. She does a lot of jibber-jabber talk, and the pathologist thought that she was actually saying words but just in some funny way. She doesn't have autism, so it's not because of that. We are going back this coming Monday for more tests.

It wasn't that hard to hear all this. Yes, a little hard, since the denial side of me would have liked to hear that she's just a little slower than others and will be fine and catch up on her own. But the truth is always refreshing, even if it's hard. And now we can get her some help. If we register her in a registered daycare or preschool she will qualify for a worker to be with her whenever she goes, and they would work with her on the program the pathologist designed for her.

I am glad for this, but the whole discussion about daycare/preschool was what upset me in the meeting. The pathologist asked how we would feel about putting her in daycare and I mentioned that the reason I hadn't put her in anything was because we were planning on homeschooling so I didn't see the point of getting her used to being in 'school' when that isn't what was going to happen in her school years.

Well, all of a sudden, it's like the speech lady flicked a switch in her brain and turned into a Nazi interagator. She seriously spouted off questions, one after another, asking which program we were going to use, how we were going to meet the governments criteria, etc. I felt like a tiny beetle that was getting pinned to the wall. She wasn't impressed when I mentioned that I was planning on piecing together my own curriculum, probably based on a classical education. She went on about how it was so important to have the Dogwood Diploma (our diploma here) and that without it so many doors were closed. And if Abby wasn't in a government-funded program, she didn't get any funding for a worker.

That ruined the rest of the time for me. I left there feeling torn. I thought that all my ideas of how I would homeschool were just dumb. I was stupid for even thinking that I could try. I felt stuck in the decision that I had to use the government's curriculum just so Abby could get help. It didn't fit with my ideals.

I am so thankful for all the Godly people around me though. They were praying for us before, during, and after the appointment, and I know it was those prayers that worked to give me a peace from God. It is okay that things are not going like I pictured them. And actually, my plans aren't changing all that much.

Abby will go to preschool this coming September and then next year I will use the governement Kindergarten curriculum to homeschool her. And then I will reevaluate at the end of Kindergarten. If she is doing well enough, I will switch to what I have planned. So that is my new plan. I want to make sure that I am doing what is best for the girls, not just what I think is the best.


Diana S. said... Best Blogger Tips

Don't feel guilty; you are doing the best for your child. She'll get the paid help for her speech during preschool, then you can re-evaluate and see what the Lord has for you.

Best laid plans indeed, but you are strong! Way to go Mommy!! :)

Erica said... Best Blogger Tips

Thanks for the encouragement, I really need it!