Who Wants To Know What Erica Thinks Late at Night

It is late.  Yes it is.  This is not an unusual fact since this time of day (or night) comes every 24 hours.  Yes, brilliant conversation I know.  But what is not so usual is that I am not asleep.  I usually shut my lights out by 11.  Ideally this would be 10 but lets face it, I almost never reach my ideals.

Case in point, ideally I should be sleeping.  I am not.  So obviously I need to work on hitting my goals more often.  Since I am forced (sort of, technically I guess I'm forcing myself since it's my own brain keeping me from my comfy bed) to be here, therefore you shall be forced to read my late night thoughts.  I'm scared, and so should you be!

Does anyone else have troubles falling asleep?  I know my mom has the same issues as me, and I suspect that my oldest daughter does too since of the times I've slept with her, she takes forever to settle down and sometimes she wakes up in the middle of the night wide awake.  Seriously, WIDE. 

My brain refuses to shut off.  That is my problem.  It just keeps thinking of this and that.  The things I didn't do today, the things I did.  What I should do tomorrow.  The statistics of whether I actually will do them or not.  How long it will take to lose my weight.  When will we have more kids.  Am I really going to be able to teach my kids at home?  Am I crazy for wanting to try? 

This list could go on, but I'll stop there and spare you the agony of reading it.  It must be boring reading someone else's thoughts.  Well, when they are randomly posted like this.  But oh!  I have a great sort of "praise report" thingy about my being up late:  I haven't snacked on anything yet!  That is a miracle.  I have discovered these last few years, that I eat just to fill the time (eating is so much more fun than mopping the floor yet again).  And especially in the evening I like to snack.  So it is a huge thumbs up to me for not consuming any food as I type this.

Well, I think this might be enough late night rambling for you all to take in.  Maybe I'll be able to sleep now that I've wrote this out for you all.  Or maybe not.  It's not like I actually wrote anything of substance tonight. 

The Day of Accountability has Come!

Summary of my week:

• I can't remember past Sunday, but I know I had a bad give in day (it might have been last Friday after I posted! Oops!)
• Sunday we went down to the lake in the US and afterwards went to Pizza Hut.  I totally don't like Pizza Hut.  I went at least 200 calories over my limit that day, and I completely blame the gross and greasy bread sticks.  Why on earth did we order them?!
• Because of poor eating I had gained a couple pounds.  I don't know how it happens so fast!  Frustrating, to say the least.  I was now 175 lbs.  
• The rest of this week, especially the last three days, has been Great (totally with a capital G).  I had a couple days of over my limit, but only by 60ish calories.  These last few days I have been at the end of the day with over a hundred cals left.  And last night I didn't even use them up with ice cream.  (Ok, so I like ice cream, but don't love it so it's not super hard to turn down)

So because of this I am now 172 lbs.  I think.  We have one of those scales with a needle, and it's kind of hard to read exactly where it is.  But I'm going for 172! My waist is I think 40.5 ish, maybe even 40.  But I think that it isn't due to drastic weight lose, but simply just bad measurments.  Who knows.  I'm not too particular.  So that is my week.  I am still feeling very motivated about it, even that I am starting to think about exercise.  But just thinking!

Princess Abby

Compromises.  Life is full of them.  You go to the grocery store, they don't have the large size of salsa, you compromise and get the small jar in the meantime.  We lived in a trailer 15 minutes outside of town with one vehicle, we compromise and move into a main level house suite where we can hear everything that the basement suite people are doing (and vice versa).  I want to eat chocolate, I also want to lose weight.  I compromise and eat one teeny-tiny-itty-bitty piece of chocolate that takes up all the rest of my calories for the week.  They are everywhere.

So I am willing to compromise with my children.  Or another way to look at it is to pick my battles.  My husband isn't so convinced on this pick and choose theory, but I figure that he isn't home every day having to deal with all of the warfare that I do.

Abby is a wonderful, wonderful girl.  The cuddliest thing since they invented teddy bears (hmmm, I wonder when that was?  Maybe I should investigate, might be interesting).  She won't give you kisses on the lips, only the cheeks, but she is known to spontaneously, without any kind of prodding or threatening, say that she loves you.  Melt my heart.  But she is also very VERY strong-willed.  If she doesn't want to do it, I don't think wild horses could make her.

So when she decides, almost every afternoon, that she is done wearing clothes for the day, I usually let her.  Yes, I let my child run naked through our house.  I will even admit that sometimes she has been nude when her friends came over.  Horrible, isn't it.  But it's summer and it's hot, and I really hate fighting issues.  Somedays I think that clothes are overrated, but don't worry!  I don't prance around in my birthday suit.  I just go for pjs.

But Abby recently has found one article of clothing that she is in love with, and I am just happy that she's wearing clothing for most of the day.  Almost every day for a week now she has been dressing up in one of her princess dress-up dresses.  It is supremely adorable seeing her waltz around the house with her regal attitude, almost looking down her nose at you.  She likes to have tea parties while she is a princess, and sometimes will even share the royalty with her sister.

I am extremely happy to see this happy, firstly because of the clothing issue, but also because until she started this last week, she would never dress up, except on the rare occasion that her friends were over to play and they started it first and she would follow along.  I would try to get her to play dress-up with me, but she would always refuse.  So this is showing that she's growing and changing. 

The only problem I have with it is that she only likes to wear the one dress.  We have a decent sized chest of dress-up clothes, but that one pink dress is all she wants to wear.  So once it gets dirty, which it has, it needs to be washed.  But I am notorious for taking clothes to the laundry room and then leaving them there for a few days if the load they're in isn't ready.  Also if they require special care, which this dress does.  Hand Wash Only.  Why on earth would they make dress-up clothes hand wash only?  Do they know what a hassle hand washing is for me?  I don't have a laundry tub, I have to wash them in my kitchen sink! 

Oh the trials! 

And Again (AGAIN!!!) with the Dieting

I know that I haven't posted tons on my weight loss journey, but I think that's because I feel like I have the same thing to say EVERY SINGLE TIME.  Nothing seems to change, least of all my waistline.  But I am going to try posting something once a week, probably a Friday, to maybe keep myself a little more accountable.  Because there is maybe nothing more embarassing than posting your weight online for the world to see and having it constantly go up (well, actually, there are maybe a few more things embarrassing than that but still).

I am still using My Fitness Pal, and these last two days have been good.  I have two friends that have used this to count their calories and both have lost over 50 lbs each!  If they can do it, so can I!  Right? 

I have also figured out that just using a calorie counter doesn't actually make you lose weight.  Weird, I know.  You actually have to not eat over your calories and also eat better.  Who would have thought.  And that is my trouble.  But I do feel more determined this time (yeah, I know, I said that LAST time). 

So, I guess I will dish out my information, just to keep it all out there, no turning back, ok, here it is, just wait for it...

I am currently 173 lbs.  Darn, I was hoping that the smallest font was smaller than that!  Well, no point in using it anymore I guess.  

My waist is 41.5ish inches, though it is closer to 41, but I thought I should be fair and give it to the higher length.  Plus once I lose inches it will look like I lost more, wink wink.

My hips are 43.5.  

So now you know.  This is my body for now, but I hope to improve!  If you think of me ever, say a quick prayer that I am not eating anything chocolate at that time!

Quest for the World's Best Long John

Mark had the day off yesterday, so we took a family day.  The plan was to head over to a neighbouring city and eat some pasta at a restaurant that we have heard good things about and then hop over to a bakery we had tried before and get some donuts and apple pie.  The baked goods at this bakery are beyond my description.  They are simply phenomenal.  I have never had such a delicious long john donut in my life.

The pasta restaurant fell far below our expectations.  We had both heard, from different sources, that they had great food.  Well first off, once inside I thought I was blind.  The lighting was so dim.  Lots of restaurants have dimmer lighting, trying for a mood or something right?  But this was just beyond anything.  There were only windows at the very front, and these were just some small ones up high.  And the lights were only down the aisles, not over the tables.  I am a bit of a light sensitive freak, so this was a huge issue for me. 

Both my hubs and I ordered the 'pasta of the day' which happened to be penne, with two meatballs.  And that's all I really can say about it.  It was just that, nothing great, nothing horrendous, just penne.  Slightly disappointing.  And to top it off, they didn't even have fries.  What restaurant doesn't have fries?  They had "JoJos".  What are "JoJos" you may ask?  This is exactly the question I asked our waitress since she seemed to assume that we knew what "JoJos" were when she explained that they didn't have fries.  "JoJos" are small roasted potatoes.  They are actually quite tasty, but don't really cut it with picky 4-year-olds who only eat fries in restaurants.

I didn't eat much lunch, both because I didn't really like it and also to save some calorie room for long johns!  We truck over one block to the bakery and are greeted with a sign saying they are on vacation for the month.  Words cannot express my disappointment. 

We perked up though and decided to try a bakery we saw a block over.  But they didn't have much of a selection, just a few cookies and what are cookies to long johns? 

So we decide to run over to the town next door, so to speak, since it's just 20kms away.  I looked up some bakeries to try and we didn't have too hard a time finding them.  But, no joking, this one was closed too.  So we decided (again) to try the NEXT town, about 50ish kms away. 

This town was so stinking busy and so funnily laid out, we looped the main street blocks a few times, first looking for the bakeries, then looking for places to park.  We tried 3 or 4 there, but none had what we were looking for.  Just cakes and muffins, no DONUTS!!!

I admitted defeat and we went to Safeway and got some donuts and cookies from there, and two frappucinos for us, since I was in need of a huge caffeine burst.  These donuts fell so short of what I had been hoping for, I could only eat a few bites.

But a plus of our three-town-search was that we got to go home across the lake ferry and the girls just loved it.  And while we were waiting for the ferry they got to watch some ducks.  So that was almost worth it.

Downfall of the Lounging Day

Mark was heading out of town early this morning (5:30) and was going to be gone overnight.  I usually try to get up to say goodbye when he's gone for a few days, but last time I got up I wasn't able to get back to sleep and ended up with a horrible headache and just had a crumby day so I figured I would stay in bed and try to sleep.  Maybe if I would get myself to bed at a decent time I could get up earlier, which I would love to do, but that's a whole other story.

But Abby woke up around this time so he dumped her in bed with me and that hampered me getting back to sleep until she fell asleep again since she squirmed and fussed and fidgeted.  And insisted on drinking from a metal water bottle that went clink, clink, clink.  But I did get a few more minutes of sleep before Leigh woke up.  Leigh cuddled in bed with me for a little while before demanding "Hot Dogs!" for breakfast.  Well, I didn't have any hot dogs, and even if I did, I probably wouldn't give them for breakfast.  She settled for toast.

I sat (laid down under a quilt) on the couch while she was eating, half dozing, half trying to wake up by playing games on my iPhone.  Abby slept in until nine, the time when I was conveniently making myself some toast so I just gave her one of my pieces.  Then we proceeded to just do nothing much.  They played, and screamed and fussed and fought, while I read and played and sat there like a blob.  None of us were dressed.  I did change Leigh's diaper though, since she was STINKY. 

And guess who walks in the door just before the lunch hour?  Mark!  My wonderful husband that I want to impress with all my wonderful housewifely skills.  Yes, he caught me on a lounging day. 

I was so embarrassed!  Not that the house is always perfect and this will ruin any kind of image I have with him.  No, he's pretty much seen me (and our house) much worse than this.  But I have been trying so hard to keep up with cleaning and all that kind of stuff and to not slack off by reading or playing on my iPhone or wasting time on Facebook (curse you FB!!!  Why are you so addictive and revolting at the same time?).  He goes to work 5, sometimes 6, days a week, and he doesn't get to sit around.  But I am supposed to be manning the homefront.

Oh well!  So that is my secret of the day.  If I ever try to portray myself as this perfect super-mom/wife, you all know differently.  You know that my husband came home and found me in an old, hole-y tank top with no dishes or laundry done at all. 

Panic Attack Mom in All the Wrong Moments

Last year I took a first aid course hoping to help me be prepared for the worst.  And also to maybe lessen the amount of freak-out-panicking I do when something happens to the children, like falling off a chair (and not even getting a scratch).  Because I do freak out.  A lot.  I see them fall or about to fall and I suddenly envision their broken bodies on the floor, limbs all turned out in the wrong directions.  A pretty vision...ok, so not.

So I thought, 'First aid will help me to do what to do and how to react in these situations."  But I don't think that my panic lessened any.  I am "trained" to do CPR and all that on adults and children, but I don't know if I would trust myself.  I get in a bad situation, and just freeze! 

So today we went over to a good friend's house where they have a swimming pool.  It was a hot day so it was nice to get in the water.  Well, before any of us even got in, Abby decides to take the first leap in.  Without any water wings or a life jacket.  I was on the other side of the pool, while Abby had been walking with her friends.  I heard a splash, and looked over to see who had jumped in, not really cluing in that it was my flotation-device-less child.  Then I saw her head pop up, and my friend jump in after her at the same time.

Thinking of it now gives me chills, but at the time, if I'm honest, I wasn't really as panicky or concerned as I probably should have been.  I am so very thankful for the quick thinking of my dear friend, and also thankful that my daughter can actually get to the surface herself.  She usually uses water wings, so she's used to treading water and such.  And I'm so thankful that God is watching over her.  Maybe her angel gave her a push up. 

There were no more crazy incidents today (Thank You so much God!) and they had a great time.